At the end of class today, I saw a bunch of students handing in stacks of papers to my instructor.

Me: What’s all that?
Student: Our presentation notes.
Me: …what!?

Presentation Notes: 3-page essay summarizing our research and presentation
Due: Day of your presentation
My Presentation Date: Monday

So guess what? I’m working on an essay that was due two days ago and on a separate essay that is due tomorrow. Gah. I really need to read the syllabus more often.

I was lucky though, my instructor said that it was his fault he didn’t say it to the class. So I get to email it to him and he won’t mark it late. Yippie! But I know of professors that won’t let you slide so easily because they get all hard-ass about “reading the syllabus”. I need to be more careful next time.

I like this whole blogging for reals thing. It’s kind of fun.

I’m in a good mood today. I think. I think I’ll actually try to do a regular blog that doesn’t revolve around my thoughts and emotions. Because you’ve had enough of that already, right?

Anyway, so my Native American Studies english class ended a while ago, I have no idea what my grade is yet. I think summer grades come out in September, which I can wait for, I guess. My Scandinavian Studies english class has started. What is “Scandinavian Studies” you say? Basically we’re reading all the old sagas and poetry from the Scandinavian countries — mainly focusing on Norway and Iceland. Oh, and did I tell everyone my instructor is a complete nerd? Not cute nerd though. Total Dungeons & Dragons/LOTR nerd. Which is ok, since he understands that no one can understand him. It’s pretty entertaining, and a lot less reading than my last class was. Except the readings are more confusing because I can’t read regular contemporary poems — much less poems translated from old Norse.

Yesterday I went and watched The Dark Knight and it was awesome, to say the least. My peeve was the raspy ass Batman voice, it bothered me, but whatevs. I won’t go into more detail since I’d probably ruin it for people who haven’t seen it yet. BUT — don’t bother waiting for the credits. There was nothing after it. Very depressing. I had my hopes up.

My old high school friend is coming to visit me this weekend. I haven’t seen her all year, since she goes to UCLA, which is like 8 hours away from me. And I’m psyched! I’m going to have to starve and scavenge for money this week until then, so I’ll actually have money to take her out to eat and do stuff. I’d try to save money and just cook for her — but she’s a really picky eater and doesn’t eat asian food. At all. And asian food is all I have and know how to cook. So that basically sucks. Oh well, I’d go poor for her anyday. That’s how good of a friend I am.

Speaking of food, everyone around me is not eating nowadays. WHY? My older sister probably hasn’t had a regular meal since like…three years ago. But whatever, I’ve given up on her. She’s 21, she can starve and put herself through rehab if she wants. My roommate isn’t eating now either. It really irritates me.

Don’t worry though, I’ve been stuffing myself like a pig. I’ve been snacking throughout the day for the last…two weeks? Food every hour or so. Yup. My arteries are going to hate me. But my stomach loves me, and that’s what matters.

I think I need to start writing again.
I need to jot down all my creativity before it’s lost.
I need to put my imagination on paper so it doesn’t interefere with reality.

My imagination is leaking into my real life, and when the two worlds clash, it hurts a lot.

I wish I was a little kid again.
Where if my imagination is my life, it’s ok.
And I’m not weird.

Wow, I just got the time and courage to update Wordpress.
And now there’s a version 2.6?
Darn it.
Here I thought I was on top of things for a while.
So be proud of me everyone, I’ve now upgraded to Wordpress 2.6 AND have updated all of my plugins.
Oh yes, perhaps I’ll even learn to use GIMP and make a somewhat new layout?
I don’t have Photoshop on my laptop, but I haven’t used photoshop in so long that using it would be the exact same as learning something new.

There is a stressful week of reading, group projects, and midterms coming up though.
So as usual, my promises mean nothing.
But I still love you guys.

So I guess today I tried and upgraded Wordpress today.
And usually I’ve liked every version of Wordpress to be released.
But 2.5? Do not like.
I don’t like the fact that everything looks so cluttered and all over the place.
I’m so used to having my smilies, categories, and junk all on the right-hand-side in an organized column. Not splattered in an unorganized mess underneath the text-box area.

I’m just peeved by the fact that I have to scroll down to get to a smiley.
And hey, some of the smilies aren’t working for me but the only error I get is that the image won’t show because the file is “damaged”.
I’m too lazy to look into it now since a majority of the smilies are still working.

This post was completely useless, I know.
I’m typing for the sake of typing.
And I don’t know that I will ever be able to return comments.
Maybe next week?
Or sometime the middle of this week?
For some reason I feel swamped, even though I don’t think I’m actually that swamped.
Unless I do have a lot of work but I just haven’t realized how much work yet.
Oh dear.

So was June like my best month for blogging?
I’m just going to assume so.
I thought I’d be able to do something Fourth of July weekend, but I ended up doing little to nothing.
I think my family has finally fallen apart this year, we aren’t even trying to get together anymore.
I know it’s awkward to have to force ourselves together, but I just feel bad for the younger cousins (and my younger sister) who are growing up in such a hateful family.
It hurts me that everyone in the family has already come to accept that we all somehow hate each other and are too immature to actually talk to the other person about it.

I mean, I don’t even know what the whole family is upset over because no one says anything.
And even if they do, it’s biased insults that add little to no information to the situation.

So on my fourth of July, we thought we would spend it as a family. We weren’t going to do our own fireworks because my cousins (who we usually do them with) didn’t want to this year. For what reasons I’m not even going to try to delve into. But my older sister ended up wanting to sleep and my dad was either watching TV or out tending to his garden. Only my mom, younger sister and I drove downtown to try and watch the annual fireworks show the town tries to put on. And guess what? It basically sucked. The finale looked almost just as boring as the practice round of fireworks. The fireworks popping illegally out of people’s backyards were prettier.

But oh well. Fourth of July doesn’t mean anything to me anyway, sorry America.

I just wonder if I’ll see my family and good food when Thanksgiving and Christmas comes around.

Or will my family just drop all traditions and attempts to look like a family altogether.

I’ll try to stop being so depressing, but I guarantee nothing.

I hope everyone else had a good Fourth of July though — for those of you in the United States anyway.

When some people get depressed or angry or emotional,

They get whiny.
They get mopey.
They get suicidal.
They become hermits.
They play it off like they’ve got not problems at all.
They down themselves in work.
They blame the world.
They blame themselves.
They kick garbage cans at the wall.
They bask in their own filth.
They clean expecting the world to become transparent.
They cry.
They yell.
They dream.
They have nightmares.

And I do just about all of the above no matter how bi-polar and contradictory some of them may be.

I think I’ve pulled more allnighters during this summer than I have during the actual school year. Which is pretty sad. But writing is so much more time consuming than doing a set of math problems or practice problems for chemistry.

I like writing…just not analytical writing. But since this is not a creative writing class, it’s all style analysis essays. Bleh.

I wish I had something more to say but other than this English class and work, I’ve nothing else better to talk about. And work isn’t exactly the most exciting thing in the world. I am considering trying to switch to a different job — perhaps something that actually applies to what I want to do in the future. But that would mean I need to decide on a future career goal, and I’m not ready to do that yet.

I think I’m blogging for the sake of just talking about random stuff now. My life is pretty much boring, so whatever I’m typing now is as much as I have to say. Yes, it is sad. I know. I’ll think of something else to fill this space later, when I have another emotional breakdown of sorts.

So yesterday I had my first sleepover! Yes, I’m 19 and I just had my first sleepover. How sad is that? My younger sister, who is 10 (turning 11 this September!) has gone to like…at least 10 sleepover already. Oh well, we were raised differently and in different times of my parents lives. A big difference though, right?

I went to visit my friend who lives like 8 blocks and one street over from me. It looks really close to each other on the map. I swear. I stayed over just to hang out because she has a large house all to herself, as her other roommates have arrived for the summer yet. She was also leaving for Chicago for a week, so yeah. Besides, she has working cable (did I tell you guys my cable sucks more than local TV?) and internet (youtube doesn’t work in my apt).

Oh, I’m such a moocher. But that’s what poor college students do best!

I need something to happen in my life though.
I mean, I’ve been drama-less for 19 years of my life.
Some may call me lucky, but even the smallest of drama would make things a little less boring for me.

Maybe I’m just an extremely boring person.

*sigh*

Step Three. Blog once a day, if not, often.

I hate it when I have high expectations for something, or when I’m extremely looking forward to something, and that something completely fails on me.

I was looking forward to a nice three-day weekend at home, since I don’t have class or work on Fridays. I was supposed to leave Berkeley tonight, but I can’t. Why? Because I have a 6-page paper due Friday at 4 PM. In person. Oh yes, you read that correctly. I can’t just email it to the professor, like I’ve been doing with nearly all the essays so far. We’ve got to physically hand it into her box outside her office.

I know, I’m making a big deal about losing one measly day. Especially since I go home every other weekend anyway, so it’s not like I’m home deprived, like some out-of-state or even SoCal people I know. I’m just being a big baby.

Oh well. It still dampens my mood.

And when my mood gets dampened, I tend to get irritated because I don’t have the heart to comfort and listen to others.

One day someone’s going to commit suicide because I pushed them over the edge.

Yesterday, Today and most likely Tomorrow is a bad day for the emotionally challenged folks that I come across. Hah.

I wonder what my conscience will think of it.