There’s No Such Thing as a “Friend”

That’s what both my parent’s raised me to believe. My parents have only given me a handful of advice throughout my 23 years – and this was one of them.

Friends don’t exist.

And honestly, I’ve taken their advice to heart up until now. I’ve been let down by so many people in the past years – friends and family alike, that it is really easy to believe that I have no friends.

But I think it’s because I’ve been making friends with the wrong people my entire life.
Chasing after people who probably didn’t like me to begin with.
Patching up relationships that never should have existed in the first place.
Hurting myself for thinking that someone cared about me in the same way that I cared for them.

And I realized that I don’t need to try anymore.
I already have the best type of friends: Friends who understand me, understand when I need space and understand that I’m not the type of person who will call and gossip randomly every day, week or even month. Friends that know I’m not perfect at staying in touch.

But they are still the best friends in the world. Friends that can pick up right where we left off, like the last few months or years didn’t put a gap between us at all. Friends that don’t stop becoming friends just because we stopped talking or texting. It feels like we’re still sitting on the grass underneath the tree in 6th grade.

Friends that keep in touch with me even when I’m not really good at keeping in touch with them.
Friends that contact me without my having to contact them first.
Friends that I somehow didn’t realize were “best friends” until this very moment.

I never want to let them go.

Even for most of my long-term readers, you are honestly some of the best people I have ever met. I consider you my friends. For putting up with my erratic posts, for reaching out to me despite how I haven’t returned comments in months. For dropping by and supporting me for whatever reason. Words cannot express the amount of thanks I have for you guys.

Finally, I feel thankful for knowing the people I already know.
I don’t feel like I need to try and reach out to people who actively ignore me anymore.

Thanks to all of you. Honestly. Thank you.

I Need You To Get Me

Her: I need someone who gets me.
Him: That’s cheesy.
Her: I know. And you know I hate all that dumb cliche sappy shit that never really happens in real life because of real life problems.
Him: Haha yeah.
Her: But this is the one cliche that I can’t let go. Because I need someone that get’s me and get’s that shit happens.
Her: Shit happens to me all the time. And people just have to deal. I just have to deal.
Her: I need someone to get that I forget my keys and wallet at home almost every day.
Her: I need someone to get that I leave my iPod in bathroom stalls or accidentally drop it in the middle of the road without knowing until three days later.
Her: I need someone to get that I leave my entire lanyard of keys plugged into the USB port at the computer labs at school for an entire weekend before finding them again.
Her: I need someone to get that the only way I can tell time is to schedule myself so tightly with things to do that I only get 5 hours of sleep each night.
Her: I need someone to understand that I can’t hear people wave, yell or honk at me on the streets because I have my iPod cranked up so loud that my ears hurt. I need someone to get that that’s the time I can’t hear my worried thoughts.
Her: I need someone to understand that I lose scarves and jackets that are wrapped around the handle of my handbag while I’m walking and never notice until it’s long gone.
Her: I need someone to get that it is possible for me to lose a pair of flip-flops going from the driveway to the car on the street, and not notice until we’ve already gotten to our final destination 1-hr away.
Her: I need someone to get that I get into cars without shoes on and don’t even notice.
Her: I need someone to get that sometimes I’m so comfortable with life and the people I’m with that, before I get into cars, I even take off my shoes beforehand and leave them sitting on the driveway as we drive away.
Her: I need someone to understand that I’ve destroyed 2 pots and 1 pan by leaving it on the stove for 1-hr before remembering that I was boiling water or cooking dinner.
Her: I need someone to get that I make up excuses to text my older sister everyday so that I know she’s still alive.
Her: I need someone to understand that I pretend to call my mom and ask for advice on things to make her feel needed so that she wouldn’t leave.
Her: I need someone to get that I make excuses to call my dad to make sure that he doesn’t ask for that gun again.
Her: I need someone to get that I don’t like to plan things because they always go wrong.
Her: I need someone to get that I don’t have the mental capacity to work on changing myself because I’m too busy trying to hold every other aspect of my life together.
Her: I need someone to get that I’m already in as much control as I can be.
Him: …ok.

Childhood Sweethearts

I love watching movies, dramas and anime where the love-story isn’t the main plot but it’s definitely a big part of the story.

I love when the boy and the girl end up together at the end because it’s like they are the only two people in the world. Stories woven to make it seem like he’s the only boy in the world, events strung together to make it seem like she’s the only girl in the world. Like there was no possible way he could ever like another girl. No possible way she would like another boy. No possible way a third-party could get in the way of their interactions, meetings, moments.

It makes me kind of wish I had that boy-next-door to grow up with. So maybe I’d have an amazing best friend by now. Friendships from childhood that last until adulthood are so hard to come by – and relationships are even rarer, I guess.

I guess that’s what makes these things best in fictional pieces.

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